Being an introverted design leader
Tips for surviving life as a manager in an extroverted world
It’s no secret that the world is pro-extroversion. We’re expected to always be outgoing and gregarious. To want to be around other people as much as possible. To naturally join in. Especially at work.
But that’s not always how we are, is it?
In fact, it’s thought that most of us are ‘ambiverts’. Essentially, we’ve learned to behave somewhere in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. To switch between one and the other, no matter what our innate preference is, to best suit the situation we’re in, who we’re dealing with, and what we want to get out of that interaction.
If you’re an introvert who often turns on your extroversion, you might also be known as an ‘extrovert introvert’, ‘outgoing introvert’, or ‘social introvert’ (that last one grinds my gears — it’s a common misconception that introverts are anti-social when actually we’re selectively social).
We’ve learned to be extrovert, especially in the workplace, because research shows that extroverts are 25% more likely to be hired for roles paying over £40,000 (even more so if you’re male). This is also true in the USA, where extroverted men are said to earn $500,000 more over their lifetimes.
Simply: extroversion is rewarded.
Of course we introverts have learned to mask our real tendencies. Being hard-working and good at your job apparently isn’t enough if you’re also on the ‘quiet’ side.
But, god, it’s exhausting.
So if you lean towards introversion and are tired of hiding it, how do you progress your career?!
Networking for introverts
Conferences and meet-ups and training courses are brilliant ways to learn. I’ll sign up for them all. But you won’t catch me arriving any earlier than 10 minutes before the first session, giving me just enough time to find a drink and a seat with minimal human interaction.
Sound familiar?
There are few things most introverts hate more than small talk. (Maybe public speaking.)
It’s easy enough if an extrovert bounds over and starts the conversation, but if you’re an introvert looking to make new connections start online — where you can interact when you want to and close the tab when you don’t, where there’s time to reflect on what’s being said without the pressure of immediately have to give a sparkling response.
LinkedIn is the obvious choice but Twitter has a particularly active tech community. Join us!
Since utilising social media to make connections, I often bump into people I ‘know’ from the internet at real-life events. And because we’re carrying on previous or existing online conversations, we have lots to talk about.
But also: it’s okay to leave whenever you want to.
There’s also a benefit in this post-COVID world in that there’s been an increase in remote webinars, YouTube videos, streamed conferences, etc. All great ways to gain knowledge without having to directly engage with others after a busy day/week at work.
Facilitating meetings and workshops
Such an under-rated skill. And, personally, my least favourite thing to do as a UX designer.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to spend all day doing the bits of our jobs that we love — and spending time working on our weaknesses helps us to grow. Sometimes you just need to muster up that social energy. And, if you’re a leader, set an example to your team.
It’s known that “it is valuable for introverts to know how to extravert themselves when needed”. Not only for the obvious reason of contributing our valuable thoughts and being part of a team, but also because it improves mental wellbeing and self-esteem.
Any good, balanced team has a mix of personalities, including people who are totally comfortable jumping straight into discussions. As the facilitator, it’s on you to spot those who prefer to listen and invite them into the conversation at appropriate points. Everyone deserves their chance to speak and be heard.
So instead of asking, “Does anyone have any thoughts?” you could say, “Sam, what did you learn when you were solving that similar problem?”.
If you can, it helps to give everyone notice of whatever you’re going to be working through. By allowing people time to think and arrive prepared, you’ll have more productive sessions together.
Of course, as an introvert you can find yourself being one of the quieter members of a group — even as a leader. But as leaders, we need to learn how to raise our own voices, not rely on someone inviting us into the conversation. It’s important to make space for ourselves too.
That said, it’s not your job to be the one who talks the most. Even as the most senior person in a room you can still always learn from others. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
My top tip: block out some time before and after big workshops/meetings, to psych yourself up and then to wind down. And reward yourself with a cookie and a cuppa.
Managing stakeholders
When a diverse group is brought together to solve a problem, everyone brings their own life experience, preconceptions, ways of working, team culture, and motivations.
You can be working towards one common goal, i.e. to deliver a project, but you might all want to get there in different ways.
A long time ago, I read an article in Cosmopolitan (it was the 90s, to be fair). It advised that when you don’t feel confident, you should just pretend that you do. The gist was that not only do you appear self-assured to others, but that you trick yourself into believing you actually are. It’s worked for me for the past 25+ years.
And there’s scientific proof: “once [introverts] are able to join groups and enjoy teamwork, their self-esteem can grow”. Fake it ’til you make it!
Leave the imposter syndrome at the door. Your opinion is as valid as anyone else’s. You don’t need to agree, or be agreeable, as long as you’re polite and professional. You don’t need to know all of the answers simply because you’re a leader — learn to say, “I don’t know… but I’ll find out”.
If you find it difficult to have challenging conversations in person and/or on the spur of the moment, you are absolutely allowed to follow up in a way that works for you. Such as by sending a message explaining your point of view and trying to resolve things another way.
Remember your superpowers
The world is waking up to the magic of introversion — largely thanks to Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”.
Those with a tendency towards introversion are usually great problem-solvers, because we’re self-sufficient and used to relying on our own skills and experience to get stuff done.
Introvert leaders are better listeners and more likely to make their team feel valued — which drives performance.
We also tend to build deeper relationships, which means our direct reports feel better able to trust us, to be honest with us, and to bring their true and best selves to work.
Of course, the best teams are diverse teams. And that includes harnessing the strengths of introverts just like you.
Thanks for reading.
Becky
